Sweet Surrender

I have like a thousand things that I want to talk about.... But I don't want to try and jam everything into one tiny little post, so I'm going to spread it out over a few days. I hope I don't forget anything...


God has been doing a lot in my heart lately. Some of it has been painfully humbling, and others have been JOYFULLY uplifting. Last week I felt helpless, hopeless, down, sad, anxious, frustrated, irritable, angry, discontent, ohhhhhh and the list goes on. WOW. I was a real JOY to be around, as you can imagine. MY freaking husband and MY freaking best friend were some incredible encouragements though. WHY was I all those things at once? WHY did I feel like I was in permanent quicksand, sinking to the depths of misery, with not even an ounce of hope...(I'm not being dramatic. That's exactly how I felt.)

It was because I was looking to myself. Simple? Yes. I was relying on myself for strength to get through the day, I was relying on myself to treat others with kindness, I was relying on myself to love those who are difficult to love, I was relying on myself to get happy and be strong for Zack, I was relying on myself to pray, read the Bible, and get back "on track" with a good attitude...


....WRAAAANG! (Translation: WROOONG!).

Surrender. Complete and absolute surrender. Even my best efforts at being a nice person, not having road rage, having devotions, not being judgmental, being "happy".... are complete failures in God's eyes. WHY? Because they are MY efforts. They are coming from MY strength. Thank the Lord for the Truth that penetrated my heart. It's not easy. It's really not. Good morals mean nothing, being kind to others means nothing, going to church: nothing; it's not going to do anything for you except either make you extremely self righteous b/c you'll actually start to think you're living up to these impossible standards, or extremely self-loathing b/c you see that you OBVIOUSLY cannot live up to these impossible standards.

Just surrender it... Everything. Surrender every last aspect of your WHOLE life to Him. You have to if you ever want to live with a supernatural peace that transcends human understanding. I don't understand the joy I feel right now. I don't. I can't explain it either. It's not something that CAN be explained, but it can be experienced, by anyone who surrenders. If you don't understand what I mean, just come ask me, b/c it's the greatest news in the entire world. It's the kind of thing that when ANYthing comes your way, you have the ability to smile, and love. The weight of the world is off my shoulders, b/c God took it off. He loves me THAT much.

It's not happiness. Happiness is circumstantial. Based on circumstances. When Zack comes home, I will be HAPPY. When I win a million trillion dollars from the lottery, I will be HAPPY... But even in this time of loneliness and sadness, I have JOY. I have peace. And I wouldn't trade that for happiness any day.

"Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do NOT be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."
- philippians 4:4-7


I want to do this in every area of my life. All of my relationships. Every tiny little aspect of my daily life. Surrender it to God. You can pray for me that I will do that, and Zack too.

Remember Randy & Katie?? WELL: here are some of their engagement photos... FINALLY :)







They're both really cool kids :) I'm excited to be a part of their wedding in October!!